Update - 19/10/2020

Hey,

Time, eh? Good... I'm glad that's covered. Anyway I just wanted to assure you that writing is still very much what I want to do, despite everything. I think and plan every day and am drowning in notes for projects that may yet happen. I feel like I've grown so much as a writer even if I have nothing tangible to show for it, and am still very excited to share my fiction at some point down the line!

One of the things I have been up to in the meantime was to try something external. My friend Theresa Jacobs writes at a phenomenal pace so I knew she'd likely have something in the works as a discovery writer / pantser. With my own projects getting very heavy work I felt like I needed a bit of a break, and so reached out to ask if I could maybe get involved somehow in one of her latest Horror offerings. To my delight she was kind enough to show me her latest work, Handsome, that was in development. It was a departure as she was trying her hand at writing for the Crime genre, which in itself felt like a bit of a sign to me that I could maybe bed in as part of that point of change.

 

It didn't really pan out as I was expecting. But I am so, so, grateful for the experience. Without me outlining a clear plan I was unable to stick to the brief and both under and over delivered as my role changed - and where I was going into it hoping that some of her speed may rub off on me, it actually went the other way with me holding her up unfairly as I dragged her down to my level. It became painfully clear that editing for someone else is not something you can easily walk into just because you write yourself. In fact that was probably the biggest failing as I fell into the trap of trying to mould it into my own image - the kind of editor that all the advice screams to avoid avoid avoid. I'm just sorry that I was unable to clock it happening, and mostly that coming from a position as a friend likely complicated how easy it would be to turn me away earlier in the project.

 

The best thing to come out of that experience is that Theresa held firm. The book is entirely hers, save for an inoffensive tweak here and there on the back of what we agreed would instead be more of an Alpha Reading role. It's reviewing well, and distinctly feels like SHE wrote it - the former being the best compliment to the latter. The story follows detective Marcy Gagon's efforts to protect Toronto from a serial killer acting out of resurfaced trauma, against the complexities of the new chief of police's reluctance to acknowledge the threat so soon in the wake of the shadow cast by the real life misfortunes of the city, and the strain that putting herself at risk causes to her relationship with tight-laced Krista; holding Marcy back as a result of harbouring a little trauma of her own. 

I'd encourage you to have a look for yourself and maybe pick up a few more titles from her back catalogue, as it's interesting to essentially track her tangible development as a writer. I'm very invested to see how far she'll progress with each title in the future! It was great for me to get a taste for finishing something I was involved in, a level of detachment that I'm very short on... and the level of my writing certainly took a leap on the back of it. Thankfully things remain positive between us, and I certainly feel better equipped should there be an opportunity for some kind of collaboration in the future.

That said I've not resurfaced this time with something specific in mind in terms of my own output. I've been absorbing a lot in my time away and have finally come to the resolution to start reviewing books that I enjoy. I've always been hesitant as I don't feel like it's my place to be critical of others in my field, but the events surrounding the Black Lives Matter movement in the summer really forced me to think and take notice of the privileged position I inhabit.

 

I think the comfort of privilege for me has been that I've excused myself from secondary thinking. 'I want in', I think whilst reading and writing, pushing my way through a noisy crowd with my blinkers fastened tightly and my hands mostly covering my ears as I stride (or stumble in my case) towards my goal. I can still see the people ahead of me, knowing they'll be the ones I'm bouncing off my hips shortly as they fall behind and I can stop thinking about them. I can still hear the murmur, the conversation and debate for change has always been there - I was born with my ears open, I've put my hands in that position because it's easier to disengage without the definition. I feel like I've been handed a sheet and told I can use it to dress up as a ghost, basically, and that so long as I'm careful not to bump too hard into anybody the whole world will play along as they're too polite or tired to check under every white blur that moves through them for good intentions. The general understanding is that ghosts pick and choose when they participate in corporal affairs after all, and that encapsulates my mind set.

 

It's not on others to tell me that my feet are showing, it's on me to realise that the sheet only fit me as a child. I don't feel I have the strength of character or personal conviction to help aid the change that is required on a larger scale, but I can't knowingly go on wearing it now that I've caught sight of my reflection. I'm exposed now, others can see me for what I am and judge me for how I act. At the same time I've got to acknowledge my peripheral vision without believing myself ethereal until it suits me. I might not be able to change the world, but it is on me to be an active participant to those on the path around me. If we're journeying toward the opportunity to share our fiction then I should acknowledge that that sheet I was handed can now be repurposed as an occasional tool I can share with others, and to be more human in helping push forward as a collective unit. A race would have ended by now, so there's no harm in taking time to make sure more of us get to reach our destination.

 

Thus... reviews. It's a small way to help and requires me to get uncomfortable in the process as a kind of faux accountability for personal growth. Hopefully it encourages me to engage further in future, but for now it's a start. I'm turning it into a bit of a process that mixes in with expanding my reading list to be more inclusive generally. You can read more about the thinking / practicality of that on the new Book Reviews page that will be added to the site soon for more info.

 

On that note I just want to give you a heads up that I'll be stripping the site back a bit, removing some of the old features like the 'Three Words' writing prompts and the 'Artists' page etc. They are being reverted to draft rather than deleted, so it's possible they could return at a later date if I have the motivation to refresh them.

 

Also in terms of catching up with a bit of admin, there are the stories that I wrote as part of my time writing for Short Fiction Break's competition. I didn't follow through on getting some artwork to go with them so they never made it to the site. I know it's not new content, but they've long passed their period of exclusivity now so I'll probably set about bringing them home over the next few weeks in case anybody missed them the first time around.

 

That's pretty much that! I'm still plugging away on my own works though there's not much sight of a horizon at present. Hopefully committing to the occasional reviews will also encourage me to be more proactive generally... but I won't make any promises given my track record! So look out for the short stories if you missed them, and I'll be adding the first review shortly. I'll be starting off with 'The Tower of Fools' by Andrzej Sapkowski of Witcher fame, having been lucky enough to get hold of an ARC ahead of its release on the 27th, inadvertently helping me out by setting me a bit of a deadline... 'What's that? Paul? You're ahead of the curve for once?' It would appear that way wouldn't it? Except, true to form, I actually finished reading / reviewing it back in June.

 

Until next time, buh-bye!

 

__________
 

Discover Theresa Jacobs - https://bit.ly/3dHhgp2

 

Purchase Theresa's book 'Handsome' - https://amzn.to/3kaGMWs

 

'The Tower of Fools' by Andrzej Sapkowski - https://bit.ly/3nPfc3h

Follow me on Twitter - www.twitter.com/PaulJIsaac